steel panther feel the steel

Released: 09 June 2009 Label: Island Records

The story goes that Steel Panther were a legendary hair-metal band from the 80s, hanging on Sunset Strip; Feel the Steel being their long lost debut album. They were far too busy partying and laying girls to ever get round to making the album. Now they have finally finished the album, and The Panther have descended on the rock world in a flurry of groin-hugging spandex, big hair and leopard print, the likes of which even Poison have never seen before.

All the excesses of the 80s are parodied in minute detail, and the attention to detail is what makes it so perfect and almost believable. The opening track, Death to All But Metal, is the perfect hit single, a wonderful catchy sing-a-long track that mercilessly slates many contemporary artists today such as Mariah Carey (good call) and 50 Cent if they’re not deemed metal enough by the Panther. Community Property is a beautiful slower ballad, showing off Michael Starr’s amazing vocals well, romantically telling how much he loves his woman, but then amusingly revealing, just when you thought maybe they’d thrown a serious song at you, that when on tour his cock is community property.

Fat Girls and Turn Out the Lights will have most people chortling at their lyrics lampooning bigger boned girls in the world, but in between snorting with laughter you’ll be singing along with the catchy choruses and wo-ah wo-ahs. Try walking down the street with your iPod on listening to the lyrics to Turn Out the Lights without laughing out loud. 'Turn out the lights before you suck my dick, someone beat you with an ugly stick, I wanna **** you but you make me sick, so turn out the lights”. It’s beyond juvenile and into hysterically funny because it is so utterly un-pc, it’s beyond even remotely being ok. And they totally get away with it.

A special mention must go to bass player Lexxi Foxxx’s hair solo, which stands out on the album as a masterpiece that I predict now will never again be topped. Breathtakingly epic.

Are Steel Panther a one trick pony? Will the joke wear thin? Can spoof bands last the test of time? Seeing Spinal Tap with their inflatable Stonehenge at Glastonbury this weekend would say maybe so. And the beauty of the Panther is they are utterly fantastically shit hot musicians. Flawless vocals by Starr. Stunning shredding by Satchel. Song writing of the highest standard. Brilliant catchy classic hair metal tracks, one and all. They could probably write a hit album of epic proportions as a serious band… but it wouldn’t be nearly as much fun would it? For them, or for us.

To anyone who gives Steel Panther a bad review… sense of humour by-passes are irreversible, you really shouldn’t have had one.

I have felt the steel, and am incredibly jealous that they f***ed my mom in the 80s and not me. Guys, if you’re reading this, call me. We can turn off the lights.

by Lynn Wyeth